This is a story I've been working on for a little while. It's based off my charactor in and RP I've been playing. I haven't come close to finishing yet, but I wanted to know you guys' opinions. Sorry if the chapters are a little long.
Revenge for the Stari
Chapter One
“As is custom for the Stari, you are presented with this cheetah cub. You must raise her, teach her, and befriend her, so that you are halves of a coin.” My father, Chief Balthscar, handed me a cheetah cub as he spoke. She was one of the Stari’s unique breed, having stars instead of plain spots. “You must now name her, so that your bond with each other can be eternal.”
I looked her over, knowing that her name would be important. I saw a pattern on her forehead that looked similar to a shooting star, only it was going down instead of across. “Listen well, cheetah, for I have chosen your name. Hence forth, you are FallenStar.” I spoke with confidence, loudly so everyone gathered could hear my choice.
“As you have named her, you must now choose your own name, to show you are no longer a child.”
I had thought long and hard about this for the past couple weeks. I had made my decision just this morning, when I was called forth for this ceremony. “I shall be known as Sephira Phoenix. Death to my enemies and life to my friends!”
My father touched my forehead with the sacred star stone, a stone that had fallen from the skies. “You are now a huntress. May you live a noble life.”
I bowed my head, and turned to receive the congratulations from all my family and friends. Everyone approved my choices in FallenStar’s name and my own. I listened to all the advise I was given, though I was impatient to start training FallenStar to respond to my calls.
When I finally got a chance to slip away, I started to talk to Star, telling her all the things we would be doing together. Finally, I put her down and started to track something for us to eat. I started whistling a small tune I had come up with when I was younger, when I saw Star react to some of the bars. When I whistled high, she started looking around for danger; when low, she started looking for tracks. I had always wanted to teach my cheetah to respond to something different from the calls the rest of my tribe used. Now I new what I would use. Whistles. I started to experiment, mixing up different notes and watched Star for her reactions to them.
As night fell we returned to camp. I went to the kitchen tent with my rabbits and handed them to the cook. She smiled at Star following behind me. “So, you got your cheetah, hmm?”
“Yes, ma’am, and she is hungry. So is her mistress.”
“Don’t let your father hear you say you’re her mistress. You don’t own her, she’s your friend.”
“Yes, ma’am, I know. I’ll be careful.”
“Good. So are you going to hide away in your forest fortress like you always do?”
“Nope. I’m going to take Star out every day and teach her everything I know.”
The cook smiled. “Which involves hiding in your fortress a lot, doesn’t it?”
“Only when I’m teaching her the commands. I learned how my commands can be unique. She responds to whistles. Please don’t tell anyone, I want it to be our secret for now.”
She looked at me. “Girl, I have kept my name a secret from you for a long time. No one can guess what my secret ingredient is, except you. I think I can keep your whistles a secret.”
I grinned at the mention of our game. Ever since she joined the Stari tribe, she has kept her name a secret from all but a few people. When we met, she had challenged me to figure out who those people were and get her name. I found out who knew her name a long time ago, but I thought it was fun to keep her guessing how long it would take me to find it. And her secret ingredient was wintergreen berries, crushed to shreds. I only knew because I saw her gathering them from my fort. “Of course. Sorry for doubting you. Can I have dinner please?”
Cook smiled back at me. “Of course, you can, little lady.” she said, handing me bowl of her stew.
I scowled while taking the bowl. “I’m a huntress now, not a little lady.” I ate my stew, making sure to save some of the meat for Star.
Chapter Two
I was twelve then. It’s been a year since then. I liked to hunt with Star, and we fast becoming so coordinated that we could tell what the other was doing from a glance. I spent so much time with her instead of the rest of the tribe that my dad was getting…I don’t know, jealous, probably. He would tell me to go hunting with some one else, especially Stratus, the boy he had engaged me to when I was a babe and him a small child. But I didn’t like Stratus, he was stuck up, thought himself superior to everyone else because he was engaged to the chief’s daughter. His cheetah, Bullus, would try to take Star off somewhere when we were together, so that both couples could get alone time. Star’s feelings for Bullus matched mine for Stratus.
So I took refuge in the forest, hunting or tracking with Star. Sometimes we’d fish, tussle, or even just sit under the trees, me composing my songs, she listening and commenting on bars that could do with change. We also went exploring. That’s how we found the hidden stream. No one had ever seen it before and it was abundant in wildlife. We explored the shore so often that the wildlife didn’t run from us. We respected them and didn’t kill any if we could avoid it.
A month after we found the stream, my dad and I had a bad fight. He was wanting me to hang out with people for a change. Yes, our culture’s based of being nature-friendly and understanding it, but you need to get to know your fiancée. You’ll be stuck with him in three years. That’s what he says. But he doesn’t listen when I tell him Stratus is a, well, a pig. A selfish, bratty, stuck-up pig. But Dad won’t listen, so finally Star butted in, pulling me outside, so that Dad can’t blame me for leaving out on a ‘conversation’, if that’s what you want to call it.
We went to the stream, so that I could cool down. I’m only 13 year, but I can get angry really easily, especially with my dad over Stratus. We walked on the stream bank for awhile, commenting that it had falling after the recent spring floods, when we heard a little yip. I looked at Star, knowing she heard it better than I did. “What is it?” I asked.
“A wolf pup, it sounds like. Looking for its mom. It’s down the bank a little way. We are helping it, yes?”
“Of course we are! Why ever would we not?” I asked as I headed in the direction she had pointed. When we got to where the sound originated, we found a cave, dug into the bank, just above the water line. We looked in a found a family of wolves, drowned. Except one pup, who was shivering from cold while trying to nudge its mother awake. I reached into the bag I always carried on my back, tied to my quiver, and pulled out a blanket. I approached the wolf, crooning softly to it, so it wouldn’t try to attack me. I wrapped the blanket around it, then, hugging it to my chest, I hurried back to the camp, straight to Sarah, the cook.
“Good heavens, what are you doing back here so soon and so fast?” she exclaimed as I rushed into her tent.
“I found this wolf cub on the bank. It looks like his family drowned in the flooding. I don’t know if something is wrong with it or how to treat it if there is.” I handed her the pup as I hurriedly explained.
She took one look at the shivering pup, and told me to get it warm, quick. So I snuggled it down between me and Star, in front of the cooking fire. Sarah got a shank of meat and started to tear it into pieces small enough for the pup to swallow. She handed me the pieces to feed it while she got back to work cooking. I fed it, piece by piece. It ate quickly, barely swallowing before grabbing for the next piece. I giggled a little at how fast it was eating, sometimes having to move the piece out of its reach while it finished the one it had.
Finally, it slowed down and lazily snapped up the last piece. By now it was plenty warm, so I lifted it up to see what gender it was. “A boy, huh? You must have been a runt, driven away from your den with the winter hunger. That’s why you’re still alive.”
Sarah looked at me. “You might want to name him, at least while you’re taking care of him.”
I thought for awhile, looking him over. He was black, except for a white belly and a white star on his forehead. “Midnight.” I declared. “That’s your name, young one, for as long as you’re with me.” I smiled at him, happy that I had a male in my life who wasn’t a stubborn bull.
When he was healthy, I took Midnight back to where I found him. I looked him in the eye. “Midnight, this is where I found you. It’s summer, so there won’t be any shortage of food for awhile. I’ll come check on you when Star and I hunt.” I hugged him, then turned back to camp, trying to hide the tears from my eyes. I stopped when something pulled my pant-leg. Looking down, I saw it was Midnight. “I don’t want to live out here alone. I like being with you and Star. Let me stay with you.” he pleaded.
I smiled through my tears, now of happiness, as I hugged him again. “Okay, you can stay with us. But you’ll need to learn my whistle commands, too, and you need to obey them without question. Okay?” Midnight nodded, and we went back to camp together.
Revenge for the Stari
Chapter One
“As is custom for the Stari, you are presented with this cheetah cub. You must raise her, teach her, and befriend her, so that you are halves of a coin.” My father, Chief Balthscar, handed me a cheetah cub as he spoke. She was one of the Stari’s unique breed, having stars instead of plain spots. “You must now name her, so that your bond with each other can be eternal.”
I looked her over, knowing that her name would be important. I saw a pattern on her forehead that looked similar to a shooting star, only it was going down instead of across. “Listen well, cheetah, for I have chosen your name. Hence forth, you are FallenStar.” I spoke with confidence, loudly so everyone gathered could hear my choice.
“As you have named her, you must now choose your own name, to show you are no longer a child.”
I had thought long and hard about this for the past couple weeks. I had made my decision just this morning, when I was called forth for this ceremony. “I shall be known as Sephira Phoenix. Death to my enemies and life to my friends!”
My father touched my forehead with the sacred star stone, a stone that had fallen from the skies. “You are now a huntress. May you live a noble life.”
I bowed my head, and turned to receive the congratulations from all my family and friends. Everyone approved my choices in FallenStar’s name and my own. I listened to all the advise I was given, though I was impatient to start training FallenStar to respond to my calls.
When I finally got a chance to slip away, I started to talk to Star, telling her all the things we would be doing together. Finally, I put her down and started to track something for us to eat. I started whistling a small tune I had come up with when I was younger, when I saw Star react to some of the bars. When I whistled high, she started looking around for danger; when low, she started looking for tracks. I had always wanted to teach my cheetah to respond to something different from the calls the rest of my tribe used. Now I new what I would use. Whistles. I started to experiment, mixing up different notes and watched Star for her reactions to them.
As night fell we returned to camp. I went to the kitchen tent with my rabbits and handed them to the cook. She smiled at Star following behind me. “So, you got your cheetah, hmm?”
“Yes, ma’am, and she is hungry. So is her mistress.”
“Don’t let your father hear you say you’re her mistress. You don’t own her, she’s your friend.”
“Yes, ma’am, I know. I’ll be careful.”
“Good. So are you going to hide away in your forest fortress like you always do?”
“Nope. I’m going to take Star out every day and teach her everything I know.”
The cook smiled. “Which involves hiding in your fortress a lot, doesn’t it?”
“Only when I’m teaching her the commands. I learned how my commands can be unique. She responds to whistles. Please don’t tell anyone, I want it to be our secret for now.”
She looked at me. “Girl, I have kept my name a secret from you for a long time. No one can guess what my secret ingredient is, except you. I think I can keep your whistles a secret.”
I grinned at the mention of our game. Ever since she joined the Stari tribe, she has kept her name a secret from all but a few people. When we met, she had challenged me to figure out who those people were and get her name. I found out who knew her name a long time ago, but I thought it was fun to keep her guessing how long it would take me to find it. And her secret ingredient was wintergreen berries, crushed to shreds. I only knew because I saw her gathering them from my fort. “Of course. Sorry for doubting you. Can I have dinner please?”
Cook smiled back at me. “Of course, you can, little lady.” she said, handing me bowl of her stew.
I scowled while taking the bowl. “I’m a huntress now, not a little lady.” I ate my stew, making sure to save some of the meat for Star.
Chapter Two
I was twelve then. It’s been a year since then. I liked to hunt with Star, and we fast becoming so coordinated that we could tell what the other was doing from a glance. I spent so much time with her instead of the rest of the tribe that my dad was getting…I don’t know, jealous, probably. He would tell me to go hunting with some one else, especially Stratus, the boy he had engaged me to when I was a babe and him a small child. But I didn’t like Stratus, he was stuck up, thought himself superior to everyone else because he was engaged to the chief’s daughter. His cheetah, Bullus, would try to take Star off somewhere when we were together, so that both couples could get alone time. Star’s feelings for Bullus matched mine for Stratus.
So I took refuge in the forest, hunting or tracking with Star. Sometimes we’d fish, tussle, or even just sit under the trees, me composing my songs, she listening and commenting on bars that could do with change. We also went exploring. That’s how we found the hidden stream. No one had ever seen it before and it was abundant in wildlife. We explored the shore so often that the wildlife didn’t run from us. We respected them and didn’t kill any if we could avoid it.
A month after we found the stream, my dad and I had a bad fight. He was wanting me to hang out with people for a change. Yes, our culture’s based of being nature-friendly and understanding it, but you need to get to know your fiancée. You’ll be stuck with him in three years. That’s what he says. But he doesn’t listen when I tell him Stratus is a, well, a pig. A selfish, bratty, stuck-up pig. But Dad won’t listen, so finally Star butted in, pulling me outside, so that Dad can’t blame me for leaving out on a ‘conversation’, if that’s what you want to call it.
We went to the stream, so that I could cool down. I’m only 13 year, but I can get angry really easily, especially with my dad over Stratus. We walked on the stream bank for awhile, commenting that it had falling after the recent spring floods, when we heard a little yip. I looked at Star, knowing she heard it better than I did. “What is it?” I asked.
“A wolf pup, it sounds like. Looking for its mom. It’s down the bank a little way. We are helping it, yes?”
“Of course we are! Why ever would we not?” I asked as I headed in the direction she had pointed. When we got to where the sound originated, we found a cave, dug into the bank, just above the water line. We looked in a found a family of wolves, drowned. Except one pup, who was shivering from cold while trying to nudge its mother awake. I reached into the bag I always carried on my back, tied to my quiver, and pulled out a blanket. I approached the wolf, crooning softly to it, so it wouldn’t try to attack me. I wrapped the blanket around it, then, hugging it to my chest, I hurried back to the camp, straight to Sarah, the cook.
“Good heavens, what are you doing back here so soon and so fast?” she exclaimed as I rushed into her tent.
“I found this wolf cub on the bank. It looks like his family drowned in the flooding. I don’t know if something is wrong with it or how to treat it if there is.” I handed her the pup as I hurriedly explained.
She took one look at the shivering pup, and told me to get it warm, quick. So I snuggled it down between me and Star, in front of the cooking fire. Sarah got a shank of meat and started to tear it into pieces small enough for the pup to swallow. She handed me the pieces to feed it while she got back to work cooking. I fed it, piece by piece. It ate quickly, barely swallowing before grabbing for the next piece. I giggled a little at how fast it was eating, sometimes having to move the piece out of its reach while it finished the one it had.
Finally, it slowed down and lazily snapped up the last piece. By now it was plenty warm, so I lifted it up to see what gender it was. “A boy, huh? You must have been a runt, driven away from your den with the winter hunger. That’s why you’re still alive.”
Sarah looked at me. “You might want to name him, at least while you’re taking care of him.”
I thought for awhile, looking him over. He was black, except for a white belly and a white star on his forehead. “Midnight.” I declared. “That’s your name, young one, for as long as you’re with me.” I smiled at him, happy that I had a male in my life who wasn’t a stubborn bull.
When he was healthy, I took Midnight back to where I found him. I looked him in the eye. “Midnight, this is where I found you. It’s summer, so there won’t be any shortage of food for awhile. I’ll come check on you when Star and I hunt.” I hugged him, then turned back to camp, trying to hide the tears from my eyes. I stopped when something pulled my pant-leg. Looking down, I saw it was Midnight. “I don’t want to live out here alone. I like being with you and Star. Let me stay with you.” he pleaded.
I smiled through my tears, now of happiness, as I hugged him again. “Okay, you can stay with us. But you’ll need to learn my whistle commands, too, and you need to obey them without question. Okay?” Midnight nodded, and we went back to camp together.

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